Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Signs Your Neighbor is Hiding Osama bin Laden”: He’s turned backyard jungle gym into Taliban training camp; You call over there and someone answers, “Death to America... I mean, Yello”; There’s a large “No Infidels” sign on the front porch; In latest video, behind Osama is you mowing the lawn; Neighborhood suddenly reeks of figs and sheep; Got invited to summer block party—this years theme: “Sun, Fun and Jihad”; Mailbox now reads, “Rutherford/bin Laden”; Car in the driveway has a hilarious “Martyrdom or Bust” bumper sticker.

Jay Leno: In his latest video, Osama bin Laden urges all Americans to reject democracy and convert to Islam. Well, I can see that happening! Is this guy living in a cave? ... No, bin Laden said he wants Americans to convert to Islam because there are no taxes in his world. Which is true. There’s also no music, no ice, no books... And from the looks of bin Laden, no toothpaste or deodorant either. ... Newsweek has a big cover story on Fred Thompson’s presidential campaign. You learn a lot about him. For example, he used to work at NBC, so apparently he knows how to deal with disasters. ... In Idaho, restroom enthusiast Senator Larry Craig, he said he will resign. He said he enjoyed being in Washington and he’ll miss his colleagues on both sides of the stall. First he’s going to resign, now he’s not going. Why can’t the guy just be straight with us? Even John Kerry’s going, “make up your mind.” ... And here’s a joke that pretty much writes itself. Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey—remember he resigned from office because he had a gay affair—now he’s enrolled in a seminary school to become a priest. (You may fill in your own joke.) A former married governor who was having anonymous gay sex at truck stops now wants to become a member of the clergy. Well what could go wrong there?