Snaked
By Rush Limbaugh
RushLimbaugh.com
Warning, ladies and gentlemen: This update may contain risque material at the end, based on your mind. This is a strange story. It concerns 23-year-old Matt Wilkinson of Portland, Oregon -- a snake collector. A few weeks back, Matt picked up a 20-inch rattler near a highway and added it to his collection.
Fast forward to a barbecue, where Matt and his ex-girlfriend are present. After downing a six-pack of beer, Matt hands a cold one to his girlfriend, not realizing the snake is also in his hand. The surprised ex-girlfriend tells Matt to, "Get that thing out of my face!" Understandable. What normal ex-girlfriend wants her ex-boyfriend's snake in her face?
Matt takes the snake from his ex-girlfriend's face. But, he tells her, it's a nice snake. "Nothing can happen. Watch." And then he sticks the snake in his mouth! Well, the next thing you know, the snake grabs his tongue -- and Matt has big problems. He can't breathe. The ex drives him to a hospital, but his mouth is so swollen doctors can't get a breathing tube down his throat.
Now, ultimately, he was saved; they cut his neck, they got him breathing again with a tube, gave him antivenin, and they kept him in intensive care until the swelling went down.
But I hope this will serve as a warning. Guys: snakes do not belong in your mouths. It is unnatural. (I can't believe the story!) Do not put a snake in your mouth -- whether it's a small snake or a 20-inch snake like this. And, most importantly: putting a snake in your mouth -- your snake -- will not impress the girls. At least, most girls.
RushLimbaugh.com
Warning, ladies and gentlemen: This update may contain risque material at the end, based on your mind. This is a strange story. It concerns 23-year-old Matt Wilkinson of Portland, Oregon -- a snake collector. A few weeks back, Matt picked up a 20-inch rattler near a highway and added it to his collection.
Fast forward to a barbecue, where Matt and his ex-girlfriend are present. After downing a six-pack of beer, Matt hands a cold one to his girlfriend, not realizing the snake is also in his hand. The surprised ex-girlfriend tells Matt to, "Get that thing out of my face!" Understandable. What normal ex-girlfriend wants her ex-boyfriend's snake in her face?
Matt takes the snake from his ex-girlfriend's face. But, he tells her, it's a nice snake. "Nothing can happen. Watch." And then he sticks the snake in his mouth! Well, the next thing you know, the snake grabs his tongue -- and Matt has big problems. He can't breathe. The ex drives him to a hospital, but his mouth is so swollen doctors can't get a breathing tube down his throat.
Now, ultimately, he was saved; they cut his neck, they got him breathing again with a tube, gave him antivenin, and they kept him in intensive care until the swelling went down.
But I hope this will serve as a warning. Guys: snakes do not belong in your mouths. It is unnatural. (I can't believe the story!) Do not put a snake in your mouth -- whether it's a small snake or a 20-inch snake like this. And, most importantly: putting a snake in your mouth -- your snake -- will not impress the girls. At least, most girls.
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 7:39 AM
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