Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: From the “Top Ten Signs You’re Watching Bad Election Coverage”: TV reporters seem to be using the word “dude” a lot; Because of the writers strike they show reruns of the Reagan-Mondale election; Exit polling question: “Did you have trouble finding the exit?”; Three candidates each received 50% of the votes; Top half of screen shows election coverage, bottom half is “American Gladiators”; Pundit says it’s looking unlikely Bush will be re-elected; It’s 3 hours of Dog the Bounty Hunter yelling racial slurs; Still haven’t projected winner from Iowa.

Jay Leno: Congratulations to Barack Obama, the big winner in the Iowa caucus. He got 57 percent of the youth vote and 100 percent of Iowa’s black vote—a guy named Larry. ... And congratulations to Mike Huckabee, the Republican winner. Just one appearance on the “Tonight Show” and he won! ... Hillary Clinton came in third—third! Apparently she chose the wrong talk show to appear on. ... One of Hillary’s campaign people said, “[Iowa’s] defeat is just a bump in the road.” Kind of like the scene in “Titanic” when the guy goes, “What was that?” “Oh just an iceberg...” ... Isn’t it about time reporters stopped asking stupid questions? [To Barack Obama] “Do you think America is ready for a black president?” Like he’s gonna go, “Oh you got me! C’mon honey, let’s go home.” ... It finally stopped raining. Even though we’ve had all this rain the last couple of days, forecasters say California could be looking at a three years’ dry spell due to a weather pattern called La Nina. Ever notice when we have bad weather we blame it on the Mexicans?