This Exists: Snow Penis Terrorizes Small Community

(By Matt Schneider, Mediaite) - In the once peaceful town of Lafayette, Indiana, recent snowstorms have not only brought chilly weather but also a new menacing threat. Children are frightened, neighbors are helpless, and worst of all, local police are laughing and doing nothing to stop the carnage. Never fear, the stone cold serious reporters at Newschannel 18 are on the scene to restore order.

The terror: two snow sculptures of male genitalia. The victims: a permanently scarred child who pleads for the pain to stop and a distressed neighbor who thinks the “sculpture is disgusting.” The culprits: “artists” who “declined to comment but still had plenty to show” reporters in the form of a censored middle finger.