NSA REPORTS INCREASED PHONE USAGE ON MOTHER’S DAY :-)

Heightened Levels of Chatter Trouble Intelligence Officials

The National Security Agency reported a sharp increase in long distance telephone usage yesterday, causing high-ranking intelligence officers in the Bush administration to fear that al-Qaeda might be planning a terror plot to coincide with Mother’s Day.

Beginning Sunday morning and continuing throughout the day, Americans’ long distance usage surged well beyond normal levels, sparking concerns that a terrorist event was either being planned or moving into an operational phase.

At the White House, national security adviser Stephen Hadley said that the troubling increase in chatter was “the strongest argument possible” for the Bush administration’s policy of eavesdropping on millions of Americans.

“If we were not listening in on everyone’s conversations, when there is a sudden increase in phone usage such as we have seen today we would totally miss it,” Mr. Hadley said.

In addition to what he called “frighteningly normal-sounding phone calls to terrorists posing as mothers,” Mr. Hadley reported that al Qaeda members or affiliates placed thousands of phone calls to florists in order to mask their terror plot.

When asked by a reporter why no terrorist event ultimately occurred on Sunday, Mr. Hadley replied, “I chalk that up to the success of our eavesdropping program.”

In response to another reporter who asked if the increase in long distance usage could have been due to Mother’s Day itself, the security adviser said, “That’s exactly what the terrorists want us to think.”

The Borowitz Report