RE: Stokes candidates set their priorities
Lisa had to really reach for that title. I'm not sure if one could glean any priorities out of what the candidates said. In general, the summary would be: the Democrats threw out some trite talking points from the standard playbook but offered nothing but vague generalities otherwise, the Republicans used up a lot of words to say nothing.
The ballots should just be labeled, "A, B, C, D, E, F." Maybe add a, "G. None of the above."
Newsome says he wants to improve county services, but doesn't say which ones. For all of you playing along with the home version of the game, that's Democrat code for dumping more money into social services and government-run schools. He also says he wants to improve infrastructure, but again, he doesn't say what. He's playing up to that threadbare myth that county commissioners can get your road paved for you.
Smith picked two of the buzz-words that seem to tickle the fancy of those who practice drive-by voting: schools and tourism. He also threw in the county services line for the core, Democrat constituency. Being a Democrat and a government school toadie, Stanley doesn't understand that developing tourism requires a lot of capital and a lot of government cooperation with business (mostly of the staying-the-hell-out-of-the-way variety). Stanley doesn't understand that his thinly veiled avarice toward the tax dollars tourism would bring in (and be, therefore, dumped into various Marxist social services) is obvious to those with capital and they won't come within a country mile of his grasping clutches.
Southern says, essentially, "ditto," and throws in the odd little bit about retraining "our" displaced workers. Apparently he heard that on TV once and thought it sounded good. I'm not sure what industrial or commercial workforce there was that Southern thinks was displaced. Such a thing has never existed in Stokes County. Southern had his picture taken for his yard posters while wearing a cowboy hat. This should be a clue for everyone that it is very likely that even he doesn't know what any of that means.
Carroll says there is important stuff to do, but he's not going to let that stop him. He's going to get down to the really important issue of changing Stokes County's image. I guess he's going to give us a makeover. Kind of a "Carroll Eye for the Straight County" sort of thing. It promises to be fabulous.
Culler blathers some quasi-business-speak about strategic plans and providing services in a courteous fashion. Courtesy is always important and it's good to know we can count on Mike. The strategic plan thing is pretty amusing. County employees know that every other year, there is a pretty good likelihood that one or more of these clowns will be back home, wondering what went wrong on election day. Mike's strategic plan would at least provide some comic relief for them. I'm sure they'll be very courteous when they ignore it.
Ernest managed to make one of the most content-free statements I've ever heard:
That's saying a lot, since Ernest specializes in content-free campaigning. He has mastered the art, but there is no need to be impressed. Ernest is also cognition-free. Stokes County translation: if brains were dynamite, the boy couldn't blow his nose. Ernest has mastered this style of campaigning because he is utterly clueless on what the county commissioners actually do. He wouldn't know an issue if it bit him on his butt, and expecting Ernest to come up with any solution to a problem, intelligent or otherwise, would be roughly equivalent to asking a turnip to explain special relativity.
My primary recommendation to Stokes County voters is to abstain. I would recommend that everyone write in stupid names, but there are people in the elections office that I still like. North Carolina's Byzantine write-in laws would make their life a nightmare on election day. However, if you really feel you must vote, I recommend writing the candidates' names on a piece of paper, placing them in a box, and finding the nearest toddler to draw three out for you.
The ballots should just be labeled, "A, B, C, D, E, F." Maybe add a, "G. None of the above."
Newsome says he wants to improve county services, but doesn't say which ones. For all of you playing along with the home version of the game, that's Democrat code for dumping more money into social services and government-run schools. He also says he wants to improve infrastructure, but again, he doesn't say what. He's playing up to that threadbare myth that county commissioners can get your road paved for you.
Smith picked two of the buzz-words that seem to tickle the fancy of those who practice drive-by voting: schools and tourism. He also threw in the county services line for the core, Democrat constituency. Being a Democrat and a government school toadie, Stanley doesn't understand that developing tourism requires a lot of capital and a lot of government cooperation with business (mostly of the staying-the-hell-out-of-the-way variety). Stanley doesn't understand that his thinly veiled avarice toward the tax dollars tourism would bring in (and be, therefore, dumped into various Marxist social services) is obvious to those with capital and they won't come within a country mile of his grasping clutches.
Southern says, essentially, "ditto," and throws in the odd little bit about retraining "our" displaced workers. Apparently he heard that on TV once and thought it sounded good. I'm not sure what industrial or commercial workforce there was that Southern thinks was displaced. Such a thing has never existed in Stokes County. Southern had his picture taken for his yard posters while wearing a cowboy hat. This should be a clue for everyone that it is very likely that even he doesn't know what any of that means.
Carroll says there is important stuff to do, but he's not going to let that stop him. He's going to get down to the really important issue of changing Stokes County's image. I guess he's going to give us a makeover. Kind of a "Carroll Eye for the Straight County" sort of thing. It promises to be fabulous.
Culler blathers some quasi-business-speak about strategic plans and providing services in a courteous fashion. Courtesy is always important and it's good to know we can count on Mike. The strategic plan thing is pretty amusing. County employees know that every other year, there is a pretty good likelihood that one or more of these clowns will be back home, wondering what went wrong on election day. Mike's strategic plan would at least provide some comic relief for them. I'm sure they'll be very courteous when they ignore it.
Ernest managed to make one of the most content-free statements I've ever heard:
There will be many complex issues facing our county in the near future, and it will take strong experienced leadership to make the hard decisions that the commissioners will be faced with.
That's saying a lot, since Ernest specializes in content-free campaigning. He has mastered the art, but there is no need to be impressed. Ernest is also cognition-free. Stokes County translation: if brains were dynamite, the boy couldn't blow his nose. Ernest has mastered this style of campaigning because he is utterly clueless on what the county commissioners actually do. He wouldn't know an issue if it bit him on his butt, and expecting Ernest to come up with any solution to a problem, intelligent or otherwise, would be roughly equivalent to asking a turnip to explain special relativity.
My primary recommendation to Stokes County voters is to abstain. I would recommend that everyone write in stupid names, but there are people in the elections office that I still like. North Carolina's Byzantine write-in laws would make their life a nightmare on election day. However, if you really feel you must vote, I recommend writing the candidates' names on a piece of paper, placing them in a box, and finding the nearest toddler to draw three out for you.
posted by Anonymous | 8:43 AM
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