Take Your Rerun and Shove It

Make the Clintons and Bushes go away!

By Jonah Goldberg
National Review Online

Here's the matchup we're all looking for in '08: Gore-Clinton vs. Bush-Dole. Obviously, I'm talking about Al Gore as the Democratic presidential nominee with Hillary Clinton as his running mate, battling it out with Florida Gov. Jeb Bush and vice presidential candidate Liddy Dole.

Of course, I'm kidding. If I heard such news, I'd probably shoot my television. Indeed, the whole country might respond to another round of Bush, Gore, etc., like those characters in Airplane! who commit suicide whenever Ted Striker (Robert Hays) starts droning on about his life. I myself would upend a jerrican of gasoline over my head rather than listen to Gore drone on about lockboxes again. And if Hillary were at the top of the Democratic ticket, all it would take for me to light the match would be a giddy Today segment on Bill Clinton as the "First Gentleman" — a first indeed.

Going by my own shamelessly unscientific survey, I think it's fair to say that people want a clean break from the politics of the last two decades. Liberals and conservatives, Republicans and Democrats, cats and dogs, Klingons and Ferengi: Nobody wants to argue about names like Bush, Clinton, Gore, Kerry, Cheney. Been there, got the snowglobe.